knot me.

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Entry # 25

Working at a pointless job, making pointless money. It is upsetting knowing that there is so many other things that can be achieved instead of standing around, forcing fake smiles.

In reading a book by William Dufty called Sugar Blues, the whole Earth got stirred. This book made me feel ten times shittier about what I eat. I was already so anal, now even more so. I question why I have this trait. I let almost all the things I read influence my life somehow. I have always been this way. I am a meditating, yoga practicing, television free, experience only vegetarian. To give my mother any credit for my being this way is wrong. I am this way strictly from books I’ve read. It’s interesting hearing other stories or fantasies. It is extremely upsetting when I hear that someone only reads if its for school, that’s like saying I only breath because I can’t control it. Madness!!

Entry #23

Holiday’s give the homeless men in Brooklyn a perfect reason reason to make a couple extra bucks. Only they get crazy around here and start asking for money once they already get food. And in my head I’m thinking ” you’re just trying to support your drug habit ” which is bias I know. I just feel like some of them get greedy and want crack+food+money. I can’t keep up with their demands and sad faces. It puts people in such awkward positions when they ask for food, but you have no choice but to give them money and knowing that you just consciously supported someone’s possible drug dilemma. Sigh.

Entry #22

Thanks Giving Day is one of the holiday I personally dislike. It gives American’s an excuse to be lards. We completely over cook/over eat. Now if your family is like mine, then it just means you’re being fake. We never sit and eat together as a family, so because it is an American holiday they decide it is time to be civil. Also being a vegetarian coming from a family of savages, I’m sorry, carnivores; then it means you all I eat is ice cubes. I enjoy this holiday spent with other families. When the feeling is genuine. When meals are cooked on behalf of your diet. Everyday I remind myself of the little things I am grateful for. Thanks Giving Day is just another one of those days, not the only one.

Entry #21

In my research for a health class I am taking at the moment, I came across a very disturbing image of a distorted indigo vagina. Well I was close, the disease is actually called Blue Waffle, I was off by one shade. At first I threw up a little in my mouth, then had to check to make sure I was alright. I felt as though I needed to have a moment of silence for this poor human being and the thing they carried underneath. I did not even know things like that existed. Is there not some crazy advanced medicine somewhere out there to nip such things as Blue Waffle in an instant? This leaves me wondering…Was this vagina purposely left that way to scare the experimental youth into never fornicating? Ahh, I’m onto them, and their devious ways.

Entry #20

Why is it that when someone finds out someone else is vegetarian they gasp. Suddenly it becomes their life’s mission to figure out why they are doing such things and tries to convince them out of it. Then the most annoying thing happens where they attempt at making the vegetarian feel like dirt. IE: ” Milk comes cows! Why do you drink milk?, Plants have feelings too! ” etc.. Those ignorant bastards have nothing better to do with themselves. If someone chooses to live an somewhat pure life, then let them be. Other people are most likely jealous that their lard asses have little self control and can not contain them selves from having McDonalds. In the near future the world will become more exposed to what really goes on behind the scenes, and when that happens I will be sitting back laughing whilst noming on my feelings filled salad.

Entry #19

“Close your eyes,
and imagine
beyond the depth of the sea
past the cracks
in the sky
lies bliss.
If it were always there,
then why is it left untouched? ”

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago. It was an attempt at recreating the magical day. Back when LSD made everything alright.
My dependence on keeping certain parts of my past alive is quite sad.

Entry #18

Heat. It’s that intangible thing that most don’t think much about. Unless of course it’s not being distributed. The feeling of being cold constantly makes me very uneasy. Spent a couple doll hairs, gave out some canned goods, and a couple home made knitted scarves. Although I’m currently not warm, it feels nice that I helped keep a couple people full and with warm necks. A lot more could deffinately be done. It seems like we are not coming together like we should. I’m vibing selfishness -__-

Entry # 17

With all of the chaos that has been going on since the storm, I question if this is the beginning of the end of the world. The lines for gas are rediculous, miles long. The desperation that I witness from society has me wondering if I am amongst savages. I guess we went about our days thinking we were untouchable. Well we sure got touched, more like raped by Sandy. Times like these I wish the person up there sitting in the sky would just get it over with and finish us off already.

Entry # 16

Youth. Today I observed a massive group of teeny boppers at an ice skating rink. It baffled/disgusted me that they were swearing and smoking and speaking vulgarly. It took me a moment to process their slang. I do not remember ever being that way at any point in my life. These kids were no older than thirteen. Their poor parents must feel horrible that their offspring is going to possibly end the world. When I was thirteen, I was most likely at home reading a good book and drinking hot tea. The kids tonight where all over the place. They made me happy that I am a college student and do not have to interact with their age group ever. Now, does this mean that my small pleasures in life such as ice skating have to end because I can not stand immature teens? This is not fair, I say we revolt against them!